Gots some excitement in my bodayyyy (:

Holy....it's been a full 27 days since i've last blogged. Man, that's insane. I feel horrible about it because blogging keeps me in line and accountable. I need this back in my life again!

Anyways, I've been wondering lately about what makes people excited. For some it's seeing friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, or just any person in general. For some it's going to a concert to see their favorite band. For some it's seeing their favorite sports team win an intense game. And for some, it's witnessing someone accept Christ, hear about Christ, tell someone about Christ, read something about Christ, or just anything that has to do with Jesus Christ!

All of these things excite me. I like to be an exciting/excited person. The smallest things, like a new simple Sharpie marker, can make me excited. I've been counting down to seeing a guy who is currently in my life. I'm excited to see my dad when he gets back from his travels on Monday. I just saw that Michael Buble is going to be at the RBC center in July, and i'm already excited about going, yet i havent even bought tickets yet! Sports teams.... yea, go Heels! And Jesus Christ..... goodness, just hearing His name (when used correctly) gets me very excited!

As most people know, I have started at my new school now. I started this past Tuesday, and love it! The first day i didnt meet a wholeeee lot of people, I was so overwhelmed with the drastic change that i couldn't focus much on making new friends. But something i did have in the very front of my mind, was wanting to tell EVERYONE about Jesus. And by the end of the week i was able to talk about either church, my old school (which was Christian), or Jesus Himself with i believe 9 new people. One girl was able to read my whole testimony! (I wrote it out as a personal narrative for an english assignment and she read it.) And this totally excites me!!

I'm excited that i've already had at least a few opportunities to mention something about one of those 3 topics with new people. I mean, this is the reason for me going to this school. So seeing it already happening, gosh, it's awesome.

But the past week or so, as i've began to think of the excitement of people, I realized how easily i am excited about certain things and will express my excitement to where everyone knows how extremely excited i am, but when it comes to Christ i don't think i show my excitement nearly as much as i should. On here (my blog), i could talk about it forever. But in person i'll be like "oh Jesus makes me sooo excited!" but then i'll change the subject or someone else will. but if it's something about counting down to getting to see someone... i tell EVERYBODY! and even do like a little happy dance thing. So, i ask myself.. why do i get sooo excited about things that are absolutely nothing compared to my God? Honestly, i don't really know. That's how alot of people are. They get excited about Christ, but get more excited about something else.. or so it seems. I pray i can work on this. I pray that no matter what, I will always be excited to share Christ with someone who needs to hear it. If i'm consistently excited, then i'll alwayssss be talking about it. Don't get me wrong, Christ gets me farrr more excited than everything, i'm just saying that i dont show it nearly as much as i should. I mean, when someone's favorite football team wins the superbowl, they celebrate like crazy! but then they go to church and sit all quiet and don't seem excited at all. this seriously needs to be fixed and prioritized.

Just something to think on for now....

#1 priority:: glorify my Father.

Goodness gracious, its been forever since i last wrote. i have missed writing. no joke. writing on here keeps me in line with things. helps me see what my priorities are. and right now, my #1 priority is my urgency to share the gospel with lost people i have met recently and who i will meet in the future.

I'm going to Wake Forest-Rolesville High in a few short weeks, and to be honest, i am very excited about this. Yea, the school is much bigger, a lot of my closest friends go there, and it's right near my house. there's three exciting reasons for going there, but it's not my main reason. i've mentioned before, i believe, that i am going there so i can try and make an impact for my Jesus and my God. i'm going there to share the GREAT news the gospel has. i'm going there to share the love of Jesus. i'm going there to bring honor and glory to my Savior.

Recently, i have been getting a tad bit nervous about going to WFR. i'm not nervous about classes or making friends. i can be a smart, studious student when i actually want to be and try, and making friends is really easy for me. i like talking to people i dont know, so im excited about making new friends actually. but what i am worried about is my courage to boldly tell people about Christ. that's my #1 reason for going to this school, and i want to glorify my Lord as much as i can. this can be easy sometimes, and this can be hard at others.

i was talking to my dad today about going to this new school. i was telling him about my excitement i have for going there and how i'm honestly excited to be rejected by people because of my faith. my relationship with the Lord thrives on persecution. and this is what my dad and i were talking about. he was telling me how it will come to a point where i will be exhausted spiritually from rejection, but i'm okay with that. being a Christian in today's society isn't always just simple and easy. it hardly ever is, actually. but i'm okay with this. if a Christian honestly thinks that the safest place to be is in the center of God's will, then they're absolutely crazy. Being in the center of His will can get you killed. now, i'm not saying that the day i start at wfr and tell one person about Christ, i'm gona die. i mean, it can happen, but most likely it wont. but i am saying that it's going to be hard, but i'm preparing for that.

tonight i was talking to a new friend about Christ. he told me he believed that there is one God who created everything, but he doesnt quite believe or understand that Christ truly is our Savior. he said he doesnt even really believe in a heaven and a hell anymore. tonight, i just listened to him and listened to his view of things. i wasn't trying to be pushy by any means. just listened. he then honestly told me that he just doesnt know some answers. which is okay. i dont even know every answer. no one does but God, but i didnt hear him out then tell him what's right and what's wrong. and he thanked me for that. he told me that he was glad that i just listened to him and didnt start an argument. i honestly cannot stand it when christians witness (or try to witness) to someone, and dont even hear out their side of things. they just jump to conclusions and start telling the unbeliever their side. this sometimes works, but it can also turn alot of people away.

say that tonight when i was talking to this friend, i let him only say a few things, then the very first time he said he didnt believe Christ is the true Savior i jumped in and just started preaching at him. honestly, if i had done that, i know he wouldnt have listened to me anymore. but i didnt do that. i didnt even give my whole view tonight, but i did invite him to my church. i'm trying to build a friendship with him. but i'm going to continue to pray for him for sure. he even asked me that maybe me him and another friend of ours can hang out and talk about it sometime. i cant wait to see how the Lord uses myself and other people in his life.

this is just one person that i've talked to in the last 4 hours about the Lord. and i'm pretty sure i'm going to be thriving on this excitement for a while now. which is what i'm looking forward to at wfr. yea, i'm nervous about making a mistake. and i know i will make quite a few mistakes. nobody's perfect. so i'm not going to tell myself that i'm even close to perfection. but i am going to try to be more like Christ. whether someone listens to what i have to say, or someone cusses me out and tells me how stupid i am for believing in this. either way, i'm here on earth to glorify my Father. and that's exactly what i'm going to try to do. and i cant wait to have more conversations with friends from wfr that may be similar to the one me and my friend had tonight.

God is so good. i can't wait to see what He has in store for me. (:

Glory to God

Wake County has been dealing with a lot of deaths recently. In the past 2-3 weeks there has been about 15-20 deaths due to car accidents in the county. 15-20?? That's insane! I mean, I know people die every day, but still. That many in just one county from the same cause? That's crazy to me.

One of those deaths was a man from my church named Flip Kissinger. A bus rammed into the front of his truck and into his wind shield. He lived for about another week or two. I honestly have no idea how he even lived for another week. He had like 47 bones or so broken. It's crazy. His funeral had many many attendants. Many people are greiving right now over this.

Another death which has recently happened is the death of Ben McNeal. Ben also went to my church. He and Flip both died within the same week. Ben was diagnosed with the ALS disease (which is a disease which causes the muscles in your body to break down and basically die.) He was diagnosed this past August and died December 9th. He left such a huge impact on so many lives inside and outside of my church. Ben knew he was dying. His death wasn't sudden at all, yet he didn't complain once. Instead, he went and told everyone about Christ. He told people the reason he wasn't worried about dying was because he had faith in the only God who concurs death. He was so excited about going and being with his Father, and now he is there.

Tonight, i was on the facebook chat and i was talking to one of the 7th grade girls in my middle school small group from church. She was telling me how Flip's death has been hard on her family because they were very close friends with him. She said Mr. Kissinger was like a dad to her, so it was like losing a dad in a way. Though she's hurting right now, I just want everyone to know how proud i am of her. As she was telling me all this, she said something along the lines of, "it's sad because he was so close to my family, but knowing he's in heaven with God helps alot. prayer has helped me alot through all this." A 7th grader told me this. She was saying many other things like, "I just need to lean on God." "I just need to trust Him with this." "I'll be okay as long as i keep praying."

When she was telling me all this, i honestly was blown away! Not very many adults even comprehend the importance of relying on God with their situations, especially when it's death! I told her that it's sooo cool to see her saying all this as she's so young. Like i've said on previous blogs, dealing with that stuff isn't easy at all if you don't lean on the only One who can truly comfort you. God's the only one who holds that peace you need to see past a death or any other situation. Honestly, when a follower of the Lord dies, it's not really necessary to call it a funeral, it's a celebration! They're done with this awful, sinful world and are with our God forever in eternity. It's awesome. And it's even more awesome that a 7th grader can grasp this concept completely!

Goodness, God is good. But do please keep in prayers the families and friends of those who have lost a love one just recently. Those who don't know Christ won't be able to see the good out of this as clear as Christians can. Pray the Lord will use this to bring them to Himself. Glory to God forever.

Patience. Continuing to be a never-ending battle.

Okay, so the next 6 paragraphs i actually wrote October 27 and never published it. i was going through my saved drafts, read it, and it convicted me alot. So here is what i wrote a little over a month ago, and below that is what i wrote today::::

Something I've been thinking alot about lately: patience, and the fact that i don't have any at all.
I've known for a long time that i don't have any patience. I'm not very good at waiting for people, taking my time, thinking before i act/speak, or being cautious of those around me. Seeing all of these flaws in myself caused me to wonder why i had such a hard time with things as simple as these. Then i discovered this--> patience truly has become my never ending battle and i'm not fully relying on God and His Word.

Patience is not something anyone can have on their own. It's not something that i can decide to have one day, then not have it at all the next. It deals with the heart. It deals with my heart.

I can recall several different situations which caused me to tell someone, "Okay, I'm not a patient person, so don't test me!" Most of the time it was in a joking manner. But a majority of it probably wasn't. Recognizing this makes me wonder, was I ever truly trusting God with all my situations? Apparently I wasn't. And this saddens me quite a bit.

God, being God, is perfect. He is patient. He is so patient that He knows how many times we (i) will fall away from Him, yet he loves us and keeps calling us to Him. There are so many examples in the Bible where a strong man or woman of God would fall away from Him, but it's obvious that the Lord stays by their side and returns to them as soon as they cry out to Him. Honestly, if i was God (which thankfully i'm not) i would have not waited around time and time again and moved on to a new set of people. If only i had that kind of patience, oh i'd be a totally different person.

So, to work on my patience, I've asked the Lord to a.) help me with it because i can't do this without Him. and b.) test me with it. i will honestly never leave this state of impatience until i am tested. and God, being able to answer all prayer, has been helping me so much! It's like, so many things which caused me to snap or get mad about a month ago, don't even faze me. Now, God's been testing me at least once a day or so. but i've learned to lean on him. i still have alot of work to do. i still get impatient when i drive behind a dumb car who goes 10 miles under the speed limit, i still get ticked off at myself if i forget something and have to drive almost the whole way back just to get it. But at the same time, i'm learning from all of this.

For me, it's so awesome to see how God is working with me through this. Like i can feel Him practically standing or sitting by me when i feel myself getting heated up inside with impatience. Then it's like He places his hand on mine and all the heat is calm and cool. it's just such an awesome feeling. Goodness, my Lord blows me away.
_______________________

It's crazy for me to see that i wrote that so long ago, yet the Lord is still testing me with this day in, and day out. The past few days have been so stressful! I've been working on projects at literally the last minute, I've been trying to figure out what God wants of me in a certain situation, and I've been trying to tune down my hopes for something else that may actually never happen. Now that i think about it, I haven't been giving my patience to the Lord at all. I've been telling myself, the Lord, and those around me that all i want to do is what the Lord wants me to do. And that is 100% true. Now, I just have to follow through with what i'm telling everyone.

I can easily say that i trust the Lord and what He's doing, but i have to act upon that as well.

thankfulness

This week was Thanksgiving. Actually, just yesterday was Thanksgiving. And i have realized lately how much i truly have to be thankful about. So here's a list of just some things that i'm extremely thankful for::

-my loving Savior and the grace He has towards me
-family
-amazing friends
-Richland Creek Community Church
-having the title "Dr. Reid's daughter"
-honesty
-small towns like good ole Wake Forest
-being a US citizen
-mercy
-forgiveness
-music
-freedom
-chocolate
-the smell of cologne
-encouragement from close friends
-opportunites to learn from mistakes
-things like twitter, facebook, cell phones, etc. that help keep in touch with friends from different/distant states
-ability to live and breath
-salvation
-the fact that i'll go to heaven one day for all eternity and see my Jesus face to face forever and be able to see loved ones who are there already.

all these things i'm so blessed by and so thankful to have in my life. it's crazy how i get so caught up in the current events of life and get so stressed out over little things, that i forget about all the many, many things that i can easily be thankful for. i'm such a complainer. but do know that i truly am thankful for sooo many different things in my life. i'm so blessed beyond imagination, yet i take it all for granted time and time again. anyways. i'm thankful for the life i have.

the end.

Trust, Confusion, and reoccuring lack of Patience.

The past few days have been... interesting, to say the least. So many different things have swamped my mind. Things like: what God really wants of me, how much I'm really trusting the Lord, things of my past have been brought back to memory, and my lack of patience has struck me hard across the head. It sometimes seems as if i can never ever control what I'm thinking. Like, I'll know for a fact that i need to trust God, and i really will be trusting Him, but my mind for some reason will try it's hardest to take a little bunny trail away from Him. There's a song by Barlowgirl (come to find out - they have some amazing lyrics, even if it is an all girl band.) and the song states: "Why do we think if we trust God too much He will fail us? Nothing has come when I choose that in me I’d trust. Separate me, You have called out to follow You blindly. I won’t fear Your leading me". I've been listening to this song almost all day long because that's exactly what i've been thinking. And with the latest things i've been thinking about.. I really can't afford to not trust Him. Actually I can never afford to not trust Him. But anyways.. that's a whole different kind of blog..

Back to what I've been thinking about::
As a 16 year old, high school, junior girl.. i've been through alot. I'm not saying that so that someone can maybe have sympathy on my or anything like that. I honestly hate it when someone feels bad for me..so please don't. I'm just stating a fact. I really have been through alot. Now, those things I'm not going to post on the internet for just anyone to see, but I will just say that the majority of my high school has been filled with heart break after heart break. And i'm not talking about just the sappy break up kind of heart break crap.. that stuff doesn't bother me as much anymore. The heart break I talk of is a spiritual heart break that occurs in me time and time again when i stray farrrrrr far away from Him. I became a Christian at the age of 5 1/2. So, I've always known how to live my life for Christ and definitely had those up's and down's in my walk, but it didn't become real until high school. I didn't actually care about God with all that i am until the last year or so. My main realization of how real Christ is all goes back to the blog i wrote titled "Love Happens". But it also has to do with the four things i said in the beginning: "what God really wants of me, how much I'm really trusting the Lord, things of my past have been brought back to memory, and my lack of patience has struck me hard across the head". Good grief I struggle with those four things more than anything and it just kills me! It makes me sick that i always go back to the same struggles.

Right now i'm having to be patient with a specific thing and having to really seek what God wants.. and try not to have too much confusion in the midst of it all. But currently, confusion is attacking me like a swarm of killer bees. I kinda see what God is wanting, but at the same time it seems like the door has been totally shut, but the door isn't suppose to be shut, or at least not forever. This i've been dealing with alot lately. This is what has taken over most of my thoughts, and the only thing God has told me is the main one of many things I'm horrible with.. "Be patient." So, I'm going to try and try hard. Very, very hard. I want what God wants. So, if He isn't clear at the very beginning, then I'll just take what He gives me and just keep praying about it. It's just hard for me. It's my own personal problem that i've just gota give 100% to the Lord. So, this has taken up about i don't know, say 70% of my thoughts.

The other 30% has gone to my past mainly. Last night I was able to talk to a close friend about alot of things that has changed my life drastically in the past 2-3 years. I haven't honestly thought about it as much as i did last night. What was it? My best friend who died 1-1 1/2 years ago. Last night I remembered how close me and him actually were, I remembered alot of the great memories we shared, I even thought of the first time we met:wednesday night of camp and he wanted to pierce his ear.. so, i gave him my earring stud to use. He was quite the character and loved the Lord. You know, I look back on that.. and yes, I do miss his friendship. He was always one to encourage me in all that i did, whether it was stupid or not. But even though he is missed, I don't dwell on what was once here on earth. If i dwelt on that and dwelt on me missing him, I'd be dwelling on something that a.)isn't even here anymore and b.)he isn't God. God put him in my life for that short amount of time for a reason, and took him away for the same reasaon:: so that God would-in the long run-be glorified. And that's what I always must remind myself.

No matter how much stress I'm under, no matter how much i miss someone, no matter how confused i may be, and no matter how impatient i can be at times. It all boils down to one thing:: through all this, I must glorify God in all that i do and through all circumstances. God puts these different struggles in my life so that i will focus on Him leading me through those. Goodness, I can't even begin to imagine how confused and dreadful my life would be without my God. This week is a good week to be Thanksgiving. Though I should be thanking Him day in and day out, having a week to really just think hard and long of how He's blessed me and my life causes me to be to humble and at peace. I love my Jesus so incredibly much and surrender all this confusion to Him.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Just Recently

So, it's currently 12:45am. I'm tired and probably won't make very much sense in this blog because of lack of mind and lack of sleep, but i choose to blog before bed anyways. So deal with it (:

Recently i've realized how great a life i have. i've realized how much i have to be thankful for. First off for my amazing, awesome, godly, and loving family I have. It seems that more and more families of this generation are choosing to fall into the pattern of divorce and heartbreak, but mine hasn't and I know for a fact that it never will. We all love each other. Though we do get on each other's nerves at times, in the end we all know how much we truly care for one another. Second for my loving Jesus who blessed me with this family. Actually, Jesus should have come first, but i'm too tired/lazy to retype all this. Just know that I do value Jesus more than anything else, even family. Anyways.. I can't even describe how thankful I am toward God and toward His Son. Without Him, we would all a) be nothing and of no worth, and b) not have life. We sin day after day, yet He chooses to love us anyways. I look at my dirty and filthy self only knowing how awful I am, but God looks at me and sees perfection because of Christ's blood. This realization is amazing and so uplifting. Oh my I love Jesus! And thirdly, my awesome friends. I absolutely love my friends. They're all so crazy. They all love Jesus and are like family to me. So they can kind of in a way fit into the first two categories. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my friends, they mean so much to me. (:

Recently I've really been thinking about what I said just above about God seeing me as perfection because of Christ. Who would have ever thought that God, the One who created ALL things, would ever in a million years send His Son to this awful, sinful world just for the people who may hate Him. The almighty God gives us the choice to choose Him, I can't even begin to fathom depth of love He has for me. I'm so rotten and worthless, but He sees me as beautiful and says He needs me to fulfill His perfect promise. When He looks down on me He doesn't see all the sins I commit, but He sees the cross and the blood of Jesus instead. All the sins I have done, am doing now, and will do in the future.. He's already seen those sins. He saw them before He said, "It is finished." Ah, I love Him so much! All of this allows me to have so much peace in my life.

Recently I've realized that God definitely wants to use me in some form or way. He wants me to do what I enjoy doing, but do it all to glorify Him. I absolutely love talking to people. I find myself talking way too much, way too loud, and way too fast day after day. I love meeting knew people. I just love people period. Being around anyone-whether I actually know them very well or not-just excites me all together. I love talking and people, but I always have to watch myself and see if I'm putting my love for people and love for Christ together. Honestly, I do not talk about God or Christ as often as I should. This i realize, and I've confessed to God that I haven't been doing what He wants me to do. But confessing this to Him will mean nothing unless I do something about it. So, as I strive to do what God wants me to do, I shall try hard to speak of His name more. I want the people I love to have a clear understanding of who God really is. How will they know it if I'm silent?

But anyways, that is my conclusion of the night. You now know what has been in the front of my mind in the past week. Not sure if it makes sense or not because it is 1am now. But whatever, God knows what I mean.. (: