This week was Thanksgiving. Actually, just yesterday was Thanksgiving. And i have realized lately how much i truly have to be thankful about. So here's a list of just some things that i'm extremely thankful for::
-my loving Savior and the grace He has towards me
-family
-amazing friends
-Richland Creek Community Church
-having the title "Dr. Reid's daughter"
-honesty
-small towns like good ole Wake Forest
-being a US citizen
-mercy
-forgiveness
-music
-freedom
-chocolate
-the smell of cologne
-encouragement from close friends
-opportunites to learn from mistakes
-things like twitter, facebook, cell phones, etc. that help keep in touch with friends from different/distant states
-ability to live and breath
-salvation
-the fact that i'll go to heaven one day for all eternity and see my Jesus face to face forever and be able to see loved ones who are there already.
all these things i'm so blessed by and so thankful to have in my life. it's crazy how i get so caught up in the current events of life and get so stressed out over little things, that i forget about all the many, many things that i can easily be thankful for. i'm such a complainer. but do know that i truly am thankful for sooo many different things in my life. i'm so blessed beyond imagination, yet i take it all for granted time and time again. anyways. i'm thankful for the life i have.
the end.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Trust, Confusion, and reoccuring lack of Patience.
The past few days have been... interesting, to say the least. So many different things have swamped my mind. Things like: what God really wants of me, how much I'm really trusting the Lord, things of my past have been brought back to memory, and my lack of patience has struck me hard across the head. It sometimes seems as if i can never ever control what I'm thinking. Like, I'll know for a fact that i need to trust God, and i really will be trusting Him, but my mind for some reason will try it's hardest to take a little bunny trail away from Him. There's a song by Barlowgirl (come to find out - they have some amazing lyrics, even if it is an all girl band.) and the song states: "Why do we think if we trust God too much He will fail us? Nothing has come when I choose that in me I’d trust. Separate me, You have called out to follow You blindly. I won’t fear Your leading me". I've been listening to this song almost all day long because that's exactly what i've been thinking. And with the latest things i've been thinking about.. I really can't afford to not trust Him. Actually I can never afford to not trust Him. But anyways.. that's a whole different kind of blog..
Back to what I've been thinking about::
As a 16 year old, high school, junior girl.. i've been through alot. I'm not saying that so that someone can maybe have sympathy on my or anything like that. I honestly hate it when someone feels bad for me..so please don't. I'm just stating a fact. I really have been through alot. Now, those things I'm not going to post on the internet for just anyone to see, but I will just say that the majority of my high school has been filled with heart break after heart break. And i'm not talking about just the sappy break up kind of heart break crap.. that stuff doesn't bother me as much anymore. The heart break I talk of is a spiritual heart break that occurs in me time and time again when i stray farrrrrr far away from Him. I became a Christian at the age of 5 1/2. So, I've always known how to live my life for Christ and definitely had those up's and down's in my walk, but it didn't become real until high school. I didn't actually care about God with all that i am until the last year or so. My main realization of how real Christ is all goes back to the blog i wrote titled "Love Happens". But it also has to do with the four things i said in the beginning: "what God really wants of me, how much I'm really trusting the Lord, things of my past have been brought back to memory, and my lack of patience has struck me hard across the head". Good grief I struggle with those four things more than anything and it just kills me! It makes me sick that i always go back to the same struggles.
Right now i'm having to be patient with a specific thing and having to really seek what God wants.. and try not to have too much confusion in the midst of it all. But currently, confusion is attacking me like a swarm of killer bees. I kinda see what God is wanting, but at the same time it seems like the door has been totally shut, but the door isn't suppose to be shut, or at least not forever. This i've been dealing with alot lately. This is what has taken over most of my thoughts, and the only thing God has told me is the main one of many things I'm horrible with.. "Be patient." So, I'm going to try and try hard. Very, very hard. I want what God wants. So, if He isn't clear at the very beginning, then I'll just take what He gives me and just keep praying about it. It's just hard for me. It's my own personal problem that i've just gota give 100% to the Lord. So, this has taken up about i don't know, say 70% of my thoughts.
The other 30% has gone to my past mainly. Last night I was able to talk to a close friend about alot of things that has changed my life drastically in the past 2-3 years. I haven't honestly thought about it as much as i did last night. What was it? My best friend who died 1-1 1/2 years ago. Last night I remembered how close me and him actually were, I remembered alot of the great memories we shared, I even thought of the first time we met:wednesday night of camp and he wanted to pierce his ear.. so, i gave him my earring stud to use. He was quite the character and loved the Lord. You know, I look back on that.. and yes, I do miss his friendship. He was always one to encourage me in all that i did, whether it was stupid or not. But even though he is missed, I don't dwell on what was once here on earth. If i dwelt on that and dwelt on me missing him, I'd be dwelling on something that a.)isn't even here anymore and b.)he isn't God. God put him in my life for that short amount of time for a reason, and took him away for the same reasaon:: so that God would-in the long run-be glorified. And that's what I always must remind myself.
No matter how much stress I'm under, no matter how much i miss someone, no matter how confused i may be, and no matter how impatient i can be at times. It all boils down to one thing:: through all this, I must glorify God in all that i do and through all circumstances. God puts these different struggles in my life so that i will focus on Him leading me through those. Goodness, I can't even begin to imagine how confused and dreadful my life would be without my God. This week is a good week to be Thanksgiving. Though I should be thanking Him day in and day out, having a week to really just think hard and long of how He's blessed me and my life causes me to be to humble and at peace. I love my Jesus so incredibly much and surrender all this confusion to Him.
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Back to what I've been thinking about::
As a 16 year old, high school, junior girl.. i've been through alot. I'm not saying that so that someone can maybe have sympathy on my or anything like that. I honestly hate it when someone feels bad for me..so please don't. I'm just stating a fact. I really have been through alot. Now, those things I'm not going to post on the internet for just anyone to see, but I will just say that the majority of my high school has been filled with heart break after heart break. And i'm not talking about just the sappy break up kind of heart break crap.. that stuff doesn't bother me as much anymore. The heart break I talk of is a spiritual heart break that occurs in me time and time again when i stray farrrrrr far away from Him. I became a Christian at the age of 5 1/2. So, I've always known how to live my life for Christ and definitely had those up's and down's in my walk, but it didn't become real until high school. I didn't actually care about God with all that i am until the last year or so. My main realization of how real Christ is all goes back to the blog i wrote titled "Love Happens". But it also has to do with the four things i said in the beginning: "what God really wants of me, how much I'm really trusting the Lord, things of my past have been brought back to memory, and my lack of patience has struck me hard across the head". Good grief I struggle with those four things more than anything and it just kills me! It makes me sick that i always go back to the same struggles.
Right now i'm having to be patient with a specific thing and having to really seek what God wants.. and try not to have too much confusion in the midst of it all. But currently, confusion is attacking me like a swarm of killer bees. I kinda see what God is wanting, but at the same time it seems like the door has been totally shut, but the door isn't suppose to be shut, or at least not forever. This i've been dealing with alot lately. This is what has taken over most of my thoughts, and the only thing God has told me is the main one of many things I'm horrible with.. "Be patient." So, I'm going to try and try hard. Very, very hard. I want what God wants. So, if He isn't clear at the very beginning, then I'll just take what He gives me and just keep praying about it. It's just hard for me. It's my own personal problem that i've just gota give 100% to the Lord. So, this has taken up about i don't know, say 70% of my thoughts.
The other 30% has gone to my past mainly. Last night I was able to talk to a close friend about alot of things that has changed my life drastically in the past 2-3 years. I haven't honestly thought about it as much as i did last night. What was it? My best friend who died 1-1 1/2 years ago. Last night I remembered how close me and him actually were, I remembered alot of the great memories we shared, I even thought of the first time we met:wednesday night of camp and he wanted to pierce his ear.. so, i gave him my earring stud to use. He was quite the character and loved the Lord. You know, I look back on that.. and yes, I do miss his friendship. He was always one to encourage me in all that i did, whether it was stupid or not. But even though he is missed, I don't dwell on what was once here on earth. If i dwelt on that and dwelt on me missing him, I'd be dwelling on something that a.)isn't even here anymore and b.)he isn't God. God put him in my life for that short amount of time for a reason, and took him away for the same reasaon:: so that God would-in the long run-be glorified. And that's what I always must remind myself.
No matter how much stress I'm under, no matter how much i miss someone, no matter how confused i may be, and no matter how impatient i can be at times. It all boils down to one thing:: through all this, I must glorify God in all that i do and through all circumstances. God puts these different struggles in my life so that i will focus on Him leading me through those. Goodness, I can't even begin to imagine how confused and dreadful my life would be without my God. This week is a good week to be Thanksgiving. Though I should be thanking Him day in and day out, having a week to really just think hard and long of how He's blessed me and my life causes me to be to humble and at peace. I love my Jesus so incredibly much and surrender all this confusion to Him.
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Friday, November 20, 2009
Just Recently
So, it's currently 12:45am. I'm tired and probably won't make very much sense in this blog because of lack of mind and lack of sleep, but i choose to blog before bed anyways. So deal with it (:
Recently i've realized how great a life i have. i've realized how much i have to be thankful for. First off for my amazing, awesome, godly, and loving family I have. It seems that more and more families of this generation are choosing to fall into the pattern of divorce and heartbreak, but mine hasn't and I know for a fact that it never will. We all love each other. Though we do get on each other's nerves at times, in the end we all know how much we truly care for one another. Second for my loving Jesus who blessed me with this family. Actually, Jesus should have come first, but i'm too tired/lazy to retype all this. Just know that I do value Jesus more than anything else, even family. Anyways.. I can't even describe how thankful I am toward God and toward His Son. Without Him, we would all a) be nothing and of no worth, and b) not have life. We sin day after day, yet He chooses to love us anyways. I look at my dirty and filthy self only knowing how awful I am, but God looks at me and sees perfection because of Christ's blood. This realization is amazing and so uplifting. Oh my I love Jesus! And thirdly, my awesome friends. I absolutely love my friends. They're all so crazy. They all love Jesus and are like family to me. So they can kind of in a way fit into the first two categories. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my friends, they mean so much to me. (:
Recently I've really been thinking about what I said just above about God seeing me as perfection because of Christ. Who would have ever thought that God, the One who created ALL things, would ever in a million years send His Son to this awful, sinful world just for the people who may hate Him. The almighty God gives us the choice to choose Him, I can't even begin to fathom depth of love He has for me. I'm so rotten and worthless, but He sees me as beautiful and says He needs me to fulfill His perfect promise. When He looks down on me He doesn't see all the sins I commit, but He sees the cross and the blood of Jesus instead. All the sins I have done, am doing now, and will do in the future.. He's already seen those sins. He saw them before He said, "It is finished." Ah, I love Him so much! All of this allows me to have so much peace in my life.
Recently I've realized that God definitely wants to use me in some form or way. He wants me to do what I enjoy doing, but do it all to glorify Him. I absolutely love talking to people. I find myself talking way too much, way too loud, and way too fast day after day. I love meeting knew people. I just love people period. Being around anyone-whether I actually know them very well or not-just excites me all together. I love talking and people, but I always have to watch myself and see if I'm putting my love for people and love for Christ together. Honestly, I do not talk about God or Christ as often as I should. This i realize, and I've confessed to God that I haven't been doing what He wants me to do. But confessing this to Him will mean nothing unless I do something about it. So, as I strive to do what God wants me to do, I shall try hard to speak of His name more. I want the people I love to have a clear understanding of who God really is. How will they know it if I'm silent?
But anyways, that is my conclusion of the night. You now know what has been in the front of my mind in the past week. Not sure if it makes sense or not because it is 1am now. But whatever, God knows what I mean.. (:
Recently i've realized how great a life i have. i've realized how much i have to be thankful for. First off for my amazing, awesome, godly, and loving family I have. It seems that more and more families of this generation are choosing to fall into the pattern of divorce and heartbreak, but mine hasn't and I know for a fact that it never will. We all love each other. Though we do get on each other's nerves at times, in the end we all know how much we truly care for one another. Second for my loving Jesus who blessed me with this family. Actually, Jesus should have come first, but i'm too tired/lazy to retype all this. Just know that I do value Jesus more than anything else, even family. Anyways.. I can't even describe how thankful I am toward God and toward His Son. Without Him, we would all a) be nothing and of no worth, and b) not have life. We sin day after day, yet He chooses to love us anyways. I look at my dirty and filthy self only knowing how awful I am, but God looks at me and sees perfection because of Christ's blood. This realization is amazing and so uplifting. Oh my I love Jesus! And thirdly, my awesome friends. I absolutely love my friends. They're all so crazy. They all love Jesus and are like family to me. So they can kind of in a way fit into the first two categories. I honestly don't know what I'd do without my friends, they mean so much to me. (:
Recently I've really been thinking about what I said just above about God seeing me as perfection because of Christ. Who would have ever thought that God, the One who created ALL things, would ever in a million years send His Son to this awful, sinful world just for the people who may hate Him. The almighty God gives us the choice to choose Him, I can't even begin to fathom depth of love He has for me. I'm so rotten and worthless, but He sees me as beautiful and says He needs me to fulfill His perfect promise. When He looks down on me He doesn't see all the sins I commit, but He sees the cross and the blood of Jesus instead. All the sins I have done, am doing now, and will do in the future.. He's already seen those sins. He saw them before He said, "It is finished." Ah, I love Him so much! All of this allows me to have so much peace in my life.
Recently I've realized that God definitely wants to use me in some form or way. He wants me to do what I enjoy doing, but do it all to glorify Him. I absolutely love talking to people. I find myself talking way too much, way too loud, and way too fast day after day. I love meeting knew people. I just love people period. Being around anyone-whether I actually know them very well or not-just excites me all together. I love talking and people, but I always have to watch myself and see if I'm putting my love for people and love for Christ together. Honestly, I do not talk about God or Christ as often as I should. This i realize, and I've confessed to God that I haven't been doing what He wants me to do. But confessing this to Him will mean nothing unless I do something about it. So, as I strive to do what God wants me to do, I shall try hard to speak of His name more. I want the people I love to have a clear understanding of who God really is. How will they know it if I'm silent?
But anyways, that is my conclusion of the night. You now know what has been in the front of my mind in the past week. Not sure if it makes sense or not because it is 1am now. But whatever, God knows what I mean.. (:
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Love Happens
Today I saw a really good movie. It's not just one of those movies that make me super excited about, or makes me laugh hysterically, or just infatuates me like Edward off of Twilight does. (Yes, I'm a Twilight nerd/dork/loser or whatever other names you may want to call me because of my love for that movie.) But the movie I saw tonight was one that had a really good message. It had a really good point that made me cry because it was just so good. The movie made me think of my life and of an event which happened in my life.
The movie I'm speaking of is titled "Love Happens". It's about this man whose wife died 3 years before and he now is a huge author over a book that talks about how to cope your sadness with other things and to overcome your grief. I won't give the entire movie away just because I seriously think you should watch it for yourself. But the main gist is that he actually never got over his own tragic event because he was so consumed with trying to please everyone else.
This kind of thing happens in other people's lives today. People have a tragic event happen, and instead of actually facing reality, they try to shy away from what really happen. They think they're making themselves feel better by not worrying so much about it at first, or at least putting on the appearance of not worrying over it. But in reality, when no one is looking, they then think over the tragedy. I did this myself around this time last year. My best friend who knew everything about me died along with his mom. It was such a hard event to get through. This happened July of 2008, and everyone was asking if I was alright. And what would I say to everyone? "Oh yea! I'm perfectly okay! It's God's plan, not mine." Which now I totally believe to be true, but at the time.. that was just the phrase I used so I wouldn't actually have to face the fact that he died or have to talk to anyone about it on a serious level.
Finally this past spring I was able to truly lean on God. Last fall I was leaning on God up to a point. It's like my mind knew and accepted that God took him from me, but my heart would not dare accept it. And that was a hhuuuggeeee problem. Considering that Jesus lives in my heart, yet my heart wasn't agreeing with Jesus.. yea, that's kinda a problem. But thankfully last spring I stopped being so stubborn and I gave everything up to God and trusted Him that He knew what was best when he called my friend to His kingdom that Monday afternoon.
"Love Happens" got me thinking about this tragedy that occurred. This tragedy affected me, as well as over 100 people. But one of the actors in this movie said something along the lines of: "Son, it was never your fault. We never blamed you; we just wanted to grieve with you. Accidents happen, and having a family along to be by your side is the only thing that can ease the pain." This is so true. My family and close friends helped me so much with this tragedy, but one thing the movie did leave out, is that your family will never, ever ease the pain you go through like our Lord can. God is THE only One who will ever fully understand everything that happens in your life. When I finally recognized this last spring was when I was able to easily think of my best friend dying, and seeing how I can use that for Christ. It made Heaven real to me, so much more real than it ever has been, because I know my best friend and mom are there--they will never face death again, and knowing that I won't ever face death either and will be with God forever once I'm in heaven excites me so much! So this movie brought up alot of old feelings and emotions, but it also brought back my thankfulness I have toward my Jesus. I'm so unbelievably thankful for a God who truly cares and who never wants to see us hurting, but wants us seeking after Him instead.
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will exist no longer; greif, crying, and pain will exist no longer, because the previous things have passed away." Revelation 21:4
The movie I'm speaking of is titled "Love Happens". It's about this man whose wife died 3 years before and he now is a huge author over a book that talks about how to cope your sadness with other things and to overcome your grief. I won't give the entire movie away just because I seriously think you should watch it for yourself. But the main gist is that he actually never got over his own tragic event because he was so consumed with trying to please everyone else.
This kind of thing happens in other people's lives today. People have a tragic event happen, and instead of actually facing reality, they try to shy away from what really happen. They think they're making themselves feel better by not worrying so much about it at first, or at least putting on the appearance of not worrying over it. But in reality, when no one is looking, they then think over the tragedy. I did this myself around this time last year. My best friend who knew everything about me died along with his mom. It was such a hard event to get through. This happened July of 2008, and everyone was asking if I was alright. And what would I say to everyone? "Oh yea! I'm perfectly okay! It's God's plan, not mine." Which now I totally believe to be true, but at the time.. that was just the phrase I used so I wouldn't actually have to face the fact that he died or have to talk to anyone about it on a serious level.
Finally this past spring I was able to truly lean on God. Last fall I was leaning on God up to a point. It's like my mind knew and accepted that God took him from me, but my heart would not dare accept it. And that was a hhuuuggeeee problem. Considering that Jesus lives in my heart, yet my heart wasn't agreeing with Jesus.. yea, that's kinda a problem. But thankfully last spring I stopped being so stubborn and I gave everything up to God and trusted Him that He knew what was best when he called my friend to His kingdom that Monday afternoon.
"Love Happens" got me thinking about this tragedy that occurred. This tragedy affected me, as well as over 100 people. But one of the actors in this movie said something along the lines of: "Son, it was never your fault. We never blamed you; we just wanted to grieve with you. Accidents happen, and having a family along to be by your side is the only thing that can ease the pain." This is so true. My family and close friends helped me so much with this tragedy, but one thing the movie did leave out, is that your family will never, ever ease the pain you go through like our Lord can. God is THE only One who will ever fully understand everything that happens in your life. When I finally recognized this last spring was when I was able to easily think of my best friend dying, and seeing how I can use that for Christ. It made Heaven real to me, so much more real than it ever has been, because I know my best friend and mom are there--they will never face death again, and knowing that I won't ever face death either and will be with God forever once I'm in heaven excites me so much! So this movie brought up alot of old feelings and emotions, but it also brought back my thankfulness I have toward my Jesus. I'm so unbelievably thankful for a God who truly cares and who never wants to see us hurting, but wants us seeking after Him instead.
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will exist no longer; greif, crying, and pain will exist no longer, because the previous things have passed away." Revelation 21:4
Monday, November 2, 2009
God's got my attention
Today I've been pretty quiet. Not a "i'm sad about something so i'm not going to speak" quiet or a "i'm too tired to talk" quiet. It was a "God's trying to tell me something, but I just can't figure it out" kind of quiet.
I've been thinking about this all day. Even through all the craziness of school today.. being loaded down with homework assignments for the week, getting prepared to go to Tennessee for Nationals tomorrow until Friday/Saturday, reaching for Mrs. Salinas's hand and missing and hitting a personal area (haha, that was hilarious and soo embarrassing).. even through all of this, God still had my full attention.
Last night I prayed for about an hour or two just about different things that's happening in my life. I was just thanking Him for so many things i'm not worthy of receiving, praying for my close friends who still don't grasp the full concept of His great love, and asking Him to show me something new this week. Then this morning I woke up and didn't feel as complete as i normally do. It was like the feeling you get when you hang up the phone with someone without really telling them all that you had to say. I felt like even though i spent almost two whole hours talking to God about so many things, i felt like i "hung up" on Him.
So now i've been going throughout today praying and seeking what He was wanting to tell me. The only conclusion i've come to is He's just wanting to let me know that i'm going to learn something this week. I have no idea what that something is. I just know it's a God thing. So, i'm pretty excited about the week. I'm excited to spend the week with my volleyball team, but i'm even more excited to be in the beautiful mountains and spend some awesome time with my Father. I'm excited about what He has to show me this week. He's got my full attention.
I've been thinking about this all day. Even through all the craziness of school today.. being loaded down with homework assignments for the week, getting prepared to go to Tennessee for Nationals tomorrow until Friday/Saturday, reaching for Mrs. Salinas's hand and missing and hitting a personal area (haha, that was hilarious and soo embarrassing).. even through all of this, God still had my full attention.
Last night I prayed for about an hour or two just about different things that's happening in my life. I was just thanking Him for so many things i'm not worthy of receiving, praying for my close friends who still don't grasp the full concept of His great love, and asking Him to show me something new this week. Then this morning I woke up and didn't feel as complete as i normally do. It was like the feeling you get when you hang up the phone with someone without really telling them all that you had to say. I felt like even though i spent almost two whole hours talking to God about so many things, i felt like i "hung up" on Him.
So now i've been going throughout today praying and seeking what He was wanting to tell me. The only conclusion i've come to is He's just wanting to let me know that i'm going to learn something this week. I have no idea what that something is. I just know it's a God thing. So, i'm pretty excited about the week. I'm excited to spend the week with my volleyball team, but i'm even more excited to be in the beautiful mountains and spend some awesome time with my Father. I'm excited about what He has to show me this week. He's got my full attention.
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